🔗 Share this article

The program for the prestigious venue in Washington shows a fun dual-language performance and an improvised theatrical troupe. Notably absent from the advertised events is Friday's global football draw, presumably because it is a strictly private gathering. Officials likely want to prevent any uninvited guests from gaining entry at what promises to be an overly lengthy, self-aggrandizing spectacle where highly compensated luminaries will doubtlessly parrot the tired platitude that "soccer brings together the world."

A Celebrity-Filled Line-Up

The lavish ceremony is scheduled to be hosted by television personality Heidi Klum and small-statured US standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be American football star Eli Manning on welcoming duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming reporter. Together, they will preside over a production that will undoubtedly have English football fans of a certain age yearning for the simpler, unpretentious days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a reliable velvet bag of simple, numbered balls.

Slated to last the thick end of three long hours, the event will include a seemingly endless playlist of speechifying, overly sentimental video montages, approved jokes, celebrity guests, performances from artists with perhaps little shame or financial motivations, and then... finally, the actual World Cup draw.

Icons of Sport on Draw Detail

Included in those tasked with carrying out the ceremony? Basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal, hockey great Wayne Gretzky, NFL quarterback legend Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all plucking numbered spheres under the watchful eye of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Considering the vast, deep well of charisma exhibited by these ageing sporting legends, barring an armed snatch-squad crashing the event, it's difficult to envision what could possibly go wrong.

Actually, not much, if the insensitive defence of FIFA's well-documented World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing offered by an obsequious English yes-man is any kind of gauge. When asked if tickets should be more affordable for average fans, the response was vague. "I think we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are certainly people that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every sector, we could have that discussion about things," it was noted. The implication seemed to be that premium costs are acceptable when contrasted with other high-end items.

The Football Business

With 42 countries already secured a place for next year's tournament and another six due to join, there will be a genuine air of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the actual draw gets under way. But as fans worldwide wait with bated breath to see which three nations their own country will play in the initial phase, the anticipation will be nothing compared to that which precedes the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's inaugural peace prize for "individuals who help unite people in peace through steadfast dedication and special actions." Given that the draw is in the US capital and the World Cup is primarily in the United States, guesses about the recipient are widespread, even if the clues are apparent.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was speaking to the chairman today. My connection with him is rock solid really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have absolutely no worries whatsoever" – comments from a coach with a team in the midst of a five-game winless run, offering a textbook remark likely to be revisited if/when changes occur down the line.

Audience Feedback

• "Regarding the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be asked to purchase a Highland League club and bestow his name on it."
• "Going to football games in the past, when the answer was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as redundant as an additional referee."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's Global Tombola: just what catchy ditty will a famous group come up with if a certain individual refuses to leave the stage, requiring an additional song?"